The holidays are around the corner and with them come extended visits from our adult children. We moms plan and prepare, clean and cook, for our babies to come visit. For some reason, I’m often a little discouraged when everyone goes home.
The reason for the discouragement is expectations. My friend and I discuss this and we know we shouldn’t have any expectations when our kids come to visit. I’m not even sure I can name the expectations, but they are there. Perhaps I was expecting a longer visit or an opportunity to play some games around the table or engage in deep discussions.
Generally speaking, expectations are things we hope or expect to happen. They can be casual or very intense. They can be general, such as “Life should be fair,” or more specific, “I want my sons to spend special one-on-one time together.” Whatever the expectations are, we think we will be happy if and when these things occur.
One thing about expectations, though, is they aren’t always possible. We all know life is not fair. The fall in Eden saw to this. As Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 9:11, “Time and chance happen to them all, (NIV).” In addition to this, I cannot force my grown sons to spend time together.
Not only are our expectations often not possible, they can ruin the visit or event for you and for those visiting. If I choose to whine about wanting to play a game together, but someone else wants to go shopping, I’ve made myself and everyone else miserable. Nor can I sit around and mope thinking they should be able to read my mind and give me what I want.
Unfortunately, social media provides us with picture perfect highlight reels of everyone else’s visits and the photos make it look like the perfect gathering. But we all know social media is not the place to find truth. We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes of the photos.
So with the holidays approaching, I’m going to embrace a new mindset this year. I plan to remain in the present and enjoy each moment as it arrives. I will not get my hopes up about what may or may not happen. I will not plan to plan my sons’ visits. Psalm 118:24 (ESV) tells us, “ This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Furthermore, Jesus, in His Sermon on the Mount, tells us, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
My cure for my annual sadness is to cultivate gratitude. I’m overlooking the following blessings: My family is together and healthy. My sons are self-sufficient and caring for their households. There is so much to be thankful for rather than worrying about what might or might not happen. Instead, I will follow Paul’s directive in 1Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
